HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?

wow i cant believe that is been that long,I've bean having trouble with my inter net connection.qwest is not living up to promises. although i had a tech out yesterday and it seems to be fixed.weather has been cold,like Lowe's at 11 degrees in the morning and highs at 27 degrees in the after noon. well that was last week. now its in the 40s and raining,much more normal weather.so I'm still getting out every day and walking at least three miles,and I'm thinking about making it longer.the only question is when, now or after the first of the year? if i cant decide it means that later is probably better.got all my Christmas shopping done and got it through to all my family that we want to stay home for once. after ten years i think that we have earned it.funny that with how i feel about religion no one has asked me how i can celebrate Christmas. don't forget that these days it is more secular than not. besides pagans had it for thousands of years before the Christians stole it.well that's that for now.

DAY AFTER T-DAY

well stayed home and cooked,so at least the food was good.skipped my walk because i was busy.so i went out today,woof. i could really feel the excess of food and alcohol.six pints of beer and one bottle of wine.not to mention two plates of food. well taking a day off to celebrate is OK i guess.I'm back on track to day.

STILL WALKING!

I don't know if that needed to be shouted but I'm kinda excited about it. so i bought some wrist weights to add a Little more challenge,not to bad of an idea. now to be honest my body weight is a Little hard to figure out. but i know I'm losing size.i know mussel weighs more than fat but that can be really irritating. if i didn't know that i would be really discouraged by now. but i figure that if i just keep going out and walking i will be healthier than not so I'm going out every day and not paying to much attention to the scale. eating better is helping out too. switched ISP,s now I'm with Qwest,so far so good.we will see,to save money i had to sign a two year contract and do my own install.obviously the install went well. staying home for thanksgiving this year,and trying to stay home for Christmas too. I'm tired of traveling to other peoples houses and being uncomfortable,eating bad cooking,and having a long drive afterwords. i don't want to do it any more. well i think that is it for now.

17 days later...IM BACK!

and also short on time,ill catch up tomorrow.

the end ...untell the begining.

well the day is hear,at 1259 pm i am going to disconnect my cable modem.this is because they cant get their billing straight.see an earlier Post. so i hope to be back on line by thanks giving.unfortunately my d drive is broke and the only internal drives that i can afford are to big,so i got an external one instead. it should work.this is important because most ISP's want you to load a driver which includes a disk,...so... any way i have lost at least 20 lbs by now which covers the weight that i gained by quiting smoking.it is all positive territory from now on.i wish every one well,and will be back as soon as i can. Robert(Bob) Wallace.

sunny saturday

it was a nice day,unfortunately my reading glasses broke so i have to squint a Little to see what I'm writing.but it was a nice day,cool but sunny.well I'm going to keep this short so i don't get a head ache. latter.

thursday flu?

kid got sent home yesterday with a fever,this morning he was a Little warm ,but no other symptoms. now they said that one of Matty's class mates was definitely diagnosed with H1N1,so was that what Matty has? i don't know. with only fever its hard to tell.it just makes me enjoy my walk Even more because at least I'm healthy fore now. as long as i can make my eye appointment ill be OK. i think i will go out for a walk as long as i can stand,i think we do better with fighting off disease when we fight. within reason of course. at least its not raining,not that it would stop me but the poncho is not as comfortable as i had hoped.

no rain today

it was a good walk,my favorite kind of weather,not to warm not to cold lots of clouds,so no blinding sun.you know some times i wish i could blog while i was walking.i think of so many things that are gone by the time I'm home.i was listening to my MP3 on my walk(of course) and a song came on that was one of my favorites when i was 14. JUMP by VAN HALEN.and i got to thinking that this is playing on the oldie's stations now.normally when i think of these things i feel a Little older,but not this time.what does that mean? am i OK with getting older? have i come to terms with middle age? i don't know.maybe i will figure it out some day,probably when I'm like in my sixties and starting to really get old.

SEA HAWKS SUCK!

other than that life is good,doing good on my walk and i think I'm under 300 LBS now.i mean the scale is broken but it still gives a reading,it says my wife is like ten or fifteen LBS more than she is and it says I'm 295 so i think I'm definitely under 300.how much is anyone's guess but still.clothes are fitting differently now too.life will get better as long as i keep trying.

rain time

so the rain is hear now. i went out for a walk,and had to finely use my poncho i bought,at least three problems(things i didn't think about)that brought down my spirits.it didn't bring them down to much,but still.you would think that i would think of the fact that poncho's don't have sleeves.good thing that fleece behaves a lot like wool,it still keeps you warm even when its wet.also that which keeps water out will keep moisture in,so i still got soaked just with sweat,and last but not least...the neck hole is not big enough for the hood on my fleece jacket+my head phones.i made it work OK but next time i think i will ware a different jacket.as for the walk itself,...well i ran across four people,and only one looked like he wanted to be there,he was in his late sixties and jogging like he had a very slow devil after him.the others looked like they couldn't believe they were out there and couldn't get to there car fast enough.i don't know how i looked but i felt good and enjoyed myself.it was a very nice walk all considered,and that's a good thing because they say its going to be like this until Sunday.I figure that after this the next real challenge at least weather wise will be when the freezing rain starts.I'm looking forward to that,that will be a real challenge,and if it comes down to a matter of will i will prevail.i just know it.well i need to do things in the real world so be well.

walk

a nice day.

six days later

walking this week went better i took pictures,and i think they came out well.going almost three miles now,and I'm not stopping to rest.so i think I'm doing well.my scale is still a piece of shit,although i think I'm the one who broke it but still.ill just wait until i see my Doctor in December.it looks like the nice weather is about to go away,but that's OK i got my rain gear,I'm ready for what ever hits me .....OK maybe not a truck but that's unlikely.well I'm going to watch the sea hawks today,with any luck they wont loose.that kinda makes my day of rest suck.not a lot to write about to day but thought id check in.

I.S.P hell

so right now i get my Internet through "ADVANCED STREAM"well they suck.i pay my bill,the bank says that i pay my bill,but they say that they have no record of it.so i go down to the payment center and show them my bank statements,and they are all "oh OK all is good now"and now they are calling me and saying that they have no records of my payment.oh yeah? well fuck them.there are way to many I.S.P company's out there to put up with that shit.i don't know which one I'm going to chose(I'm thinking QUEST)but i might have to take a few days off.so any way my wife needed to get some new slippers,and we had to go to the mall to get them.half of my walk was there,and than we went to wapato park to walk around the lake.nice day all considered.maybe tomorrow will be better.

yep,.......it broke.

that damn scale says I'm still the same weight,more so it says that my wife is gained weight, a lot of weight,witch she hasn't. if she did she would fit in some clothes that she used to ware when she was at that weight.any ways,bought a poncho for when it starts to really rain.that should be good.not a lot to say to day,looks like a cloudy day ,kinda cool.have a lot of time to think when I'm walking ,but by the time i sit down here i don't remember all that i thought about.maybe that's a good thing.

chambers bay

nice walk yesterday.about half way through a rain squall moved through.NICE! no really,although the wind was cool the rain felt good.not to heavy not too light.its hard to explain,i think it dates back to a time when i was walking in a storm you know...one of the ones that come in from Hawaii and bring torrential rain with warm temps,any way i was on ten hits of acid...I KNOW!...that storm was AWESOME! ever since than i feel a certain way about walking in the rain.i have a similar story about earth quakes but that is for another time.so I'm going to buy a poncho for when the rain really starts to fall.hey I'm not twenty any more. and get ready to carry on through the winter.i see my reheumatologist on December thirtieth and id like to have made some real progress by then.as long as i keep this up i think i will.

hear is an old picture of the bay

and one week later....

still walking,i think that my scale is a Lie it said that i was gaining,....WTF?! eating less walking more...and gaining?maybe its that mussel weighs more than fat,the scale is broken,i don't know.not that its that important,I'm still watching what i eat and walking,that will get me where i want to go and a ten dollar scale has nothing to do with that.still its something to make me think.well the rain is back and i think to stay now.fall my favorite time of year.I'm starting to walk on the water front a lot now,its a nice view.also the breeze is really refreshing.watching the clouds form over the bay can be really dramatic.one of these days i should bring my camera and take some pictures.walked the mall yesterday,found out that it takes two laps around to make the same distance as the waterfront.but that's OK,it doesn't take into count looking through the stores.on the first lap that can be fun.hears an old picture of the bay.

WoW

so when i went out to get stuff,i used the odometer to measure out how far I've been walking,and the total is..........2.5 miles. yeah ,...not to bad huh?i still need to do it without stopping to pop my joints,but still....i remember way back when if something was within 5 miles i would consider it to be within walking distance.it would be nice to be back in that kind of shape again.i think that if i make it to the golf course i will make it almost 4 miles,...may bey next week? yeah that could work.just add a Little more every day,and I'm still feeling better every day.one day i will get to where i want to be.i was looking at buying a poncho for when the rainy season really starts.I'm getting to think i have been missing out all these years,i should have done this a long time ago.*sigh* well,.....better late than never.

monday not the day of the duck

so I'm eating my yogurt,i have to put something with my pills,and yogurt seems like the best choice.the kid is having a bad day at school,having a whole bunch of seizures (short ones)teacher called to let me know,he was sleeping at the time.after he wakes up i think he will feel better.i gave him his med's at 8 and the call was at 9 so he was still troughing. other than that looks like i will have a week of nice weather to walk in,fall starts tomorrow but the weather is taking its own sweet time catching up.OK by me.made it down to the cemetery on Friday,that is quite a mile stone,although i think i passed a real mile before that.i have to go out to day to get some stuff and i will measure my walk with the odometer on my van.then i will know how far I'm really walking.i mean six thousand steppes don't mean that much when the steps very so much,starts out with a good stride than i get tighter and need to stop and pop my knees and hips,then I'm good for a while ,and then my stride gets shorter and shorter ,and than i need to stop and pop my knees and hip.....E.T.C. i find as i go along day by day i need to stop a Little less but for now that's the way it goes.its OK to stop from time to time as long as you get out and do it,yeah i know.....FUCK OFF NIKE!

18 days

since i had that "I'M FAT"epiphany I have started on a half arsed diet and exercise program.how has it been? drum roll please..........."8LBS!" *sigh* i know i know,it's only been 18 days.that's like 4 LBS a week.when 2 to 3 LBS is considered good progress,I'm doing great .its just that it hits home how long a process its going to be.i mean I'm not going to stop because I'm feeling much better than before i started.but still,quiting smoking was hard but once i was done ,i was done. this is going to be going on for the rest of my life. the last time i made that kind of commitment i got married.at least i got sex out of that. of course i might get a Little more sex out of this,so it could work out in the long run.well i have to go to the pharmacist to pick up my meds,RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS SUCKS!some of the weight I'm trying to lose is because of that.now one of the symptoms of RA is unexplained weight loss.but with the year i spent undiagnosed,i was much less active because of pain,and so gained some fat,and than quiting smoking put on 25 more LBS.well that's my life at least i have one.

tuesday=methotrexate

OK, so i took Sunday off to watch the sea hawks,WIN! on Monday went out and found out that taking a day off for the mussels to heal is a good idea.felt better on Monday,leg tried to go numb ,and than didn't.at the end of the walk i felt better than the last time i went out to walk.it seems like i improve every time i go out.now its Tuesday,and on Tuesday i take methotrexate.although i take it in a lower dose than cancer patients i still can tell its a chemo therapy drug,i feel sick if i don't buffer it with a good meal,and when I'm trying to cut down on my calories that can be Tuff.i will figure it out,but it wont be easy.i don't know if I'm loosing weight,ill check on Friday.but I'm feeling better.feeling like i have more energy,sleeping better,and generally in a better mood.who knew that better eating habits and exercise could do that so quickly? ether way i like it and will keep it up.i want to see what 6 months will do.

saturday,beter than yesterday

so i finished my walk yesterday and i felt better than i have for the last few times that i have went out walking. not as much pain,and my right leg wasn't as numb(witch was kinda worrisome)so i feel better now and i think that i have passed an important milestone(no pun in tended)i think that my body has gotten the message that i expect more out of it nowadays.i have been watching what i eat and and now with this exercise i think i will get under 300LBS soon.not exactly slim but ill take it.i remembered that my coach in high school weight lifting used to say that you need to take a brake in your workout to let your mussels recover.well that is Sunday,not that I'm religious but that is when the Sea hawks play.and I'm not going to miss a sea hawks game for anything.well with that being said I'm going to go and change my pants and go out for a walk.

WELL ITS FRIDAY!

i have lost 4LBS, not bad for a week. the only hard part is....OK there is more than one,i think i have a pinched nerve in my back,that has been bothering me for years but now that I'm trying to get more exercise its flaring,and i think that the chair that I'm sitting on right now isn't helping.no excuses.I'm still getting out every day,it's just hard to get motivated. also readjusting the amount that i eat,....well their is so much pleasure to be had in a good meal.i spent my whole life learning how to cook,and i like to think i have gotten pretty good at it.so how i cook,portion size,how i shop , it all has to change.I'm doing it but it is hard.i think i will see a Doctor for my back next week,you know when i think about it it is kind of like changing course in a large ship it takes a long time and its done in small increments.will i have the Patience to see this through?i hope so.by the way,.....my son is doing well,swapped the splint for a cast.he seems more comfortable with that.4 weeks and we will be back to normal,wee at least what passes for normal for us.

well fred meyer was ...

not as much as i expected.about 200 steps less than out side,Even though i took more time. not a good trade but its better than staying inside and looking at the rain.hell its some thing i should be used to by now.SKIN IS WATER PROOF! although when it gets cold its no fun.oh well must get out every day,teach my body what i expect out of it.I'm in charge,what has happened to me is because i wasn't paying attention,"let my self go."is not an inaccurate saying.so I'm going to get out today in about half an hour.need to give my son some pain med's,oh yeah check this....he had pulled to stand yesterday at his door and lost his balance,and fell.landed on his arm funny and broke his elbow.not bad mind you but after two doctors looked at the x-ray,they finely saw it. he is in a splint for now and we will see a orthopedic to see if he will need a cast.probably will since he crawls all most every where,and needs to use his arm allot.*sigh* special needs kids shure are special needs.only spent about 6 Hours in the ER though,that's not to bad.

now the rain

so I'm doing better on the walking but now its raining,getting to be that time of year for the Pacific north west.now i figure that its more important that i walk than where i walk so off to the Fred Mayer i go,pick up some fresh veggies while I'm there.its a pretty good size store so if i cover the whole thing i will walk as much or more than if i walked outside,to bad that being a fat smoker is bad for you because this trying to be healthy is shore a pain in the ass.i figure i will get on a scale some time next week and see if i have lost any thing.i don't want to put to much into the scale though.its more how you feel,if you do the right things to be healthy the weight will follow. in time at least.

started to walk

not spectacular,but i didn't expect it to be.just needed to start.and i have. the rheumatoid arthritis has put some dents in my hips ,and all the extra weight shore didn't help ,but i have started.now all i have to do is not stop.than day by day i will get better.i figure that if i can take off the quit smoking weight,my hips wont hurt nearly as bad,and than i can make some real progress. lets see i gained about 25 LBS from quiting smoking,bit high for a goal but i will take it.you see i wont be disappointed if it takes a long while these things take time.sometimes a lot of time.i remember when i lost the most weight it seemed to hang around for month's with Little progress and than all of the sudden some thing switched in me and whoosh it started to drop off and i got to feeling real good.got down to 175 that time and it was good, over the last ten years it has slowly creep ed back if you don't pay attention it will do that.and now the Battle resumes tomorrow is another day.

I"M FAT!

I know its like "no really?" but its official,went to the Doctor and i was weighed (of course)and the verdict was "300"LBS . no shit! i haven't weighed that much since high school. i know you are supposed to gain weight after you quit smoking but "SHIT!" so i was going to give UN tell my son went back to school to start to lose some weight,well he starts back tomorrow.i guess it cant be any sooner.well 5 months off smokes ,i think i got that liked now i declare a war on fat. what if i fail? i know nothing ventured nothing gained but...i never really tried to lose weight before.it always seemed to come and go,i have bounced between 175 and 300 LBS all my adult life.but now it seems different,my life is much more stable now.when my life was chaos my fat level would bounce like a yo-yo,but i could never keep a relationship.now I'm stable ,have a wife,and a steady growing waist line.well into the fray! there is no other choice,i don't think my weight is going to bounce on its own any more.i don't now how I'm going to do it but i have to.if i don't i just know i will die soon i can feel it. well maybe not real soon ,but well, maybe lose control and never recover ,that will be just as fatal,and be very embarrassing.

art

finally got around to researching "Dadaism" found some good art

70's toon wave

so i was watching some old cartoons this morning,not all my favorite's mind you but many of them.well it got me thinking "did my dad ever watch the old stuff from when he was a kid and feel this way?"well i started to do the math in my head to figure what was on,and you know something?he was born in 34 and didn't have access to a t.v until he was almost 20(came from a poor family you see) "wow" so he didn't get to experience the waves of nostalgia?well not over T.V . as i thought more about it i remembered some weekend after noon we ran across a station showing all the old matinee movies from the 30's and 40's and listing to my dad tell me story's of how he would steal a couple of nickels to go see the show and have a coke. now i realise that we all get lost in our lives,this small segment of reality that we inhabit.it is precious to us. i mean i knew that in an abstract way ,but to realise it as a fundamental part of me is......almost numbing.is this a common realisation? do many people think this?is it important to know your place in the time/space continuum?and like it? do we put a false glow on the past to give us hope for the future? i cant answer any of these questions yet, but when i can i will.

4 days gone by

wife has been sick,had to go to bellview to get wheel chair parts,and of course I've been forced to be creative because we are out of money for now.typical end of the month shit.i have been finding a lot of stuff about gay marriage on line recently and posted it on my face book page.not that I'm gay its just that i can't stand bigots,and will stand against them whenever i can.i would try to get stupid outlawed but I'm afraid it would blow up in my face.I've got things ruminating in my brain ,but I'm not ready to rant about it yet.

bord

did some gardening to day,I'm going through some feelings of wanting to smoke.guess I'm just board,and kinda missing the way that smoking used to fill up the down time.it will pass but in the mean time ,.....damn.you know i think that tobacco is the hardest drug to quit.i mean its been like five months now. i cant have any nicotine in my system any more,its all in my head.well at least i have this.still board and i don't have any thing to say so this will be a short post.

saved from the garden

so i was going to garden but it was raining to day.not a lot but just enough to let me call it off. although i need to do the gardening some time because I'm getting behind.but ill take the rain.i love the rain,i love the sound,the smell,and some times the feel.at least when it is light,almost a drizzle,or a heavy fog.the light wet mist softly caressing my skin........*SIGH*it's just wonderful.i bet if i was born some where else i would feel different but I'm from hear and i love it.some times i can close my eyes and its like I'm transported back to my child hood,its funny how many memories are formed around rain. you'd think that is all there was around hear.no.it doesn't rain that much hear it just seems that way.where it will rain two inches some ware else in a few minutes,hear it will drag out for two or three days.same amount of rain it just takes longer.

grandma gum VS dogma of stuff

come to think of it,that was really misleading. yes grand ma gum paid a visit,but there was no Battle,and certainly not against dogma. these are just things that are running through my mind.grandma gum (not her real name)was a nice visit,...kinda. i love the woman but she is going deaf and so hollers all the time because she cant hear how loud she is.it makes for a long visit.also i am in a slow-mo debate with a damn fool christian on another web site.i wonder if they all have my picture and talk about me behind my back?because they have bin increasingly nice when talking to me on line,and they have bean absolutely avoiding me on the street.to bad that they don't get any smarter.they are still using the same dull arguments.you know the ones that haven't made any sense since we were fore,and capable of believing in fairy tales.ah it would be nice to be that naive.i wonder if i am scaring off any one who might want to talk to me about other stuff?that's something to ponder.

battel in seattle

watched that movie yesterday,and it got me thinking its almost ten years now. on October 31st of that year we were in Seattle looking for an engagement ring(i had just gotten engaged you see)and i remember talking with some guys handing out flyer's and trying to get people interested about the W.T.O nice guys but i wasn't paying that close of attention,pretty woman allover me and all.but now that i look back, that whole riot was predictable,you could almost sense that a perfect storm was brewing.at least if i wasn't distracted i would like to think i would have sensed it.but there it is.we found a nice ring,had some dinner and went home all wrapped up in our own romance.must have been really annoying to every one around us.love tends to piss off every one not involved,any way.life went on,and on November 29 things boiled over in Seattle,i was at work and worrying about my woman,hurried home as fast as i could only to find that all was well.then i turned on the news(she had no idea anything was happening)and watched it all.well some of it any way.chanting ,fire,breaking glass,beautiful blue eyes,velvety lips,pepper spray,flash bang grenades,night sticks,perfect breast,silky thigh.you get the idea,i was still distracted.love is a wonderful drug.and so ten years down the road,not much has changed with the W.T.O,the protests go on,my marriage is good. life is good in the small parts,but the world still suffers. i some times wonder how the protesters go on,all that effort for Little change.but we do what we do,evil must be opposed. funny how history melds with one's personal life.something to remember when reading the books.

extortion a la state

so i went down to the emissions place,passed,then i went to the place to buy tabs for the car.*sigh* when will it stop? i mean i payed for the car,i paid for the gas and maintenance,than i pay for tabs,and emissions,tax this tax that,FUCK! you cant just buy a car and be done with it. just once i would like it if you could own some thing and not keep paying for it for time immemorial. pay for it and done.that is the way it should be.works out of the box .battery's that recharge easy.no maintenance.just go and have fun.but no! buy,update,buy more,pay taxes,buy more,pay Even more taxes. think you are good ,pay more taxes,fart,pay more taxes. pay to own,until they decide to take it away.gurrr we are not free.we pay for every moment.cant even shit for free.i heard that they did a study on how much the average person breathes,you know lung volume and such.any way with that data they can figure out how to tax the air you breath.they just cant figure out how to slip it to us so that we wont com plane.as soon as they do we are fucked all over.beginning to end.start to finish.balls to bone.

narf

so i am calming down,at lest i don't want to scream. OK so yesterday i went on to a pagan site to enjoy some time at a place where i can get away from Christians trying to convert me. and guess what i found? Christians trying to convert me. that really pissed me of.i know i took it out on the people on face book,i guess they are getting used to it by now.but still its not fair to them, most of them are cool. but i digress,cant Christians just fuck off and leave people alone? we know where to find churches if we want them.so like fuck off OK?and just because you believe in fairy tales doesn't make your shit stop stinking. so fuck off.you are not better than me,you don't have secret information,you are not a moral authority,i don't think you are able to "save me"or any one else,and last but not least i will die for my own sins i earned them they are mine,and some undead Carpenter will not be allowed to cheapen my experience buy assuming to take what i have worked so hard to achieve. so FUCK OFF!

Emissions testing

car,not me. i hate this time of year.have to go through all the hoops to find a well hidden testing site,and pay the state Even more money so i can go buy state issued tabs so i can drive a vehicle and pay even more taxes.some times being an adult is such a pain in the ass.but if i try to go back to acting like a kid they say "you have an attitude problem" makes it hard to get ass too. what ever.i need to get high really bad. if any one has seen the pot fairy send him my way.

windows

and i don't mean the ones on your computer. I'm talking about the ones on my sons room.now you might think that the curtains that you put up only have to look good,and match your room decor,and for you ,you would be right. for my son that would be nice,but impractical.you see my son is disabled and his room is the one place in the world where we try to make it a place where he won't be told "no",and he cant hurt him self.so his curtain rod was replaced a few years ago with a two inch thick wooden rod.that helped with the fact that he would hang off his curtains,then he started to chew on them.not eat(witch is called pica)but chew,its one of his favorite activity's,we think it soothes him.any way we cant let him chew up his curtains so i rolled up the bottom of the curtains in a piece of wood and screwed it to the wall.worked good for a while,but like all things it wore out.the kid still hangs off them,and the cat uses them for a hammock(which is kinda funny).so we got a replacement and we are in the process of replacing the curtains.I'm half way through my part.now I'm waiting for my wife to finish hanging the top part,and then i will screw down the bottom and we are done ,at least for a couple of years.

BRAIN NOT SO DEAD

But pretty close.i haven't thought about much to write about but today i got a Little nudge.weird electronic stuff.check this at 6:30 am my alarm clock went off ,like it was supposed to,but it was all funky. the numbers were flashing like the power went out,but if that had happened it wouldn't have kept time,and when i tried to readjust it nothing happened.i couldn't get it to do any thing.I'm just glad it woke me up on time as i need to medicate my son on a time schedule.now if that was the only thing that happened it would be annoying but not weird,that happens when i try to turn on my computer."Internet is down" it says.checked all my connections ,good,check for spy ware and virus,all good. call the ISP,they say that they are fine "it must be me"so i ran every diagnostic i could think of,re set every thing,nothing works,re called ISP,"oh ,well we have a router down after all" turns out that it all happened at 6:30 am.weird hunh?so i am going to go to wall mart to get a new alarm clock,and see if i was the only one affected or if there is a run on alarm clocks.it shure would be weird if it happened to every one,wouldn't it?

cooler

so the heat has backed of for now,and i think we will make the turn for fall soon. not that we wont have any hot days just not that many.I'm reading a new book,"Dexter in the dark" good series of books.not surprised that they made a series out of it.but i like the books better.my son had a seizure this morning and i think he broke his nose,gave him some ibuprofen and he seems to be OK .well that's all i have to say for now I'm feeling tired a lot lately,don't know why.

snooze time

long day got to order parts for my sons wheel chair. tired going to bed,thought i would say good night at least.

Paranoid?

not really it seems. since we have learned that Goggle is reading everything that we are doing on line. well i guess that is nice that some one is reading this.of course it might not be a someone it might be a computer with an algorithm.baby sky net?and than there is the Amazon thing with them going into peoples kindles, and taking back stuff that they paid for.shure they paid them for what they took but these people wanted their stuff, that's why they paid for it in the first place.it makes me fear for my MP3 files. what if Amazon decides that they want my music more than i do .will they steal it in the middle of the night? what if all our life is becoming one big rent to not own? soon we will all be living off the corporate dole, and the corps are living of the government dole,who takes all we have and will ever have?are you really paranoid if they are really out to get you?they don't think so,but they wouldn't would they?

SO FAR SO GOOD

to day the heat is much more reasonable,at least so far. managed to get the dishes caught up.that is nice,cant afford to eat out again to night.i guess i will have to cook tonight. that's OK the microwave works good and doesn't put out to much heat,could have used it last night but i didn't have any clean dishes and washing them wasn't going to happen ,not at those temps.actually hit 108.9 on my front porch,there are some who dispute the accuracy of my thermometer but the bank down the street read 104. so it cant be to far off.i remember an experiment in high school with thermometers in the room,the temp could vary as much as five degrease in various parts of the room.if you can get that much in a room how about outside?ether way last winter was extreme and now this Summer is extreme too.cant Wait to see what fall has in store now.

BLEACH

the heat is melting my brain.no good no good.

Hot! just f'n HOT!

short post today.yesterday it broke 100.9 F for this part of the NW that if extreme. today its going to be hotter,and tomorrow even hotter.my arguments against global warming fall kinda flat on days like this. fans and air conditioners don't work very well in a Mobil home at these temperatures.

100 DAYS!

since i quit smoking. hard to believe,at least some times. i have noticed that my attitude is much sharper,and i don't mean that in a good way. i normally find myself in situations where i am an asshole but Even more so now. i wonder if i should put up a bill board warning off the terminally stupid.that could have been helpful on face book this weekend.(see Christians are idiots)long story short a picture that i put up to illustrate my ,........displeasure,was removed because face book had determined that i was representing a hate group and being hostile.i guess Christians ramming their believes down other peoples throat is OK,but defending yourself is not.so i removed the main person responsible for the complainer from my Friend list and i am hoping that will solve the problem. if it doesn't i don't know what i will do. i just wish that people would realise that believing in a fairytale does not magically make you a moral authority. professing a belief in an UN dead carpenter does not make you better than me. so that being said hear is the picture that caused all the trouble.

HEARE IS AN ARGUMENT.

OK not a real argument but still. global warming is a hoax,i know you're are saying "whoa,that's a fucking argument!" not really,i don't dispute that the climate is changing.i do dispute the popular notion of global warming,that is nothing more than a marketing ploy.of course the planet is warming,we are in an interglacial period during an inter glacial period the planet warms.......that is why their is no ice.some people are going nuts about the polar ice caps melting,if it was the first time that that has happened it would be concerning,it isn't and it is not.the polar ice caps have completely melted several times in the past,just not in human times. people are getting freaked out be cause they haven't gotten used to the fact that extinction is a regular fact of life.our continued presence on this planet is not a given.maybe its the planet warming maybe it is global thermal nuclear war. maybe its a virus, we are going to die. that is a fact. the real question is how much profit are "they"going to make off us,and how much of our personal rights are we going to be coned out of?it wouldn't be such a problem except it is so pointless after all our money is gone,and all our rights are gone we all die.WHAT THE FUCK! watch the movie below,maybe you agree,maybe you don't. discuss with your frends,famly,coworkers,strangers,chipmunks.....E.T.C. later.

THIS IS IT

CHRISTIANS ARE IDIOTS!

That just had to be said.why? you might ask? well it might have some thing to do with the self righteous condescension i get just for speaking my mind.the other day i took part in a debate about "strip clubs"now i knew that my opinion wasn't going to be the popular one but what i didn't think was going to happen was that a guy was going to put down my thoughts.not just disagree with them but put them down as though i was not only uninformed but willfully ignorant. he started of with"BOB I used to think like you,Until I found Jesus Christ...."and so on and so on.not only was my thoughts completely ignored in favour of a very long winded sermon on how strippers were all kidnapped and forced into stripping and had all their money took from them,he went on about how all men who were not right with Jesus objectified women.like Christians were above all that.BULL SHIT!!!like Christians don't go to strip clubs?to fuck they don't.and it wasn't just one guy who went this way.in fact their was one guy who started off with "I don't know you Bob"when in fact he does,he just doesn't remember,i remember him though,thought he was a dick than and i think he is a dick now.that is why i haven't "frended him"bottom line America is a predominantly christian country,witch has a five billion dollar a year porn industry,billions of dollars spent on drugs,and prostitution.not to mention that strip clubs and casino's have no problem keeping there doors open. now I'm supposed to think that Christians have nothing to do with that?REALLY!?!? those fucked up hypocrites run this shit.they just like to think that nobody can see what they do behind closed doors,and than they can get down on those of us who are at least honest with our selves.to quote Marilyn Manson"I WASN'T BORN WITH ENOUGH MIDDLE FINGERS!" well that is all i got for now i need to do stuff in the real world.latter.

hindsight

so i went through all my old posts(you gotta do that every once in a while.)and you know what i found? pretty much what i thought. HA! i don't know its interesting to me to see how my state of mind changes from day to day.you would like to think that you are mostly a stable person,but its not always the case.some times I'm just sitting here thinking and I'm shure i was a total asshole.and than later i will look at it and its like "no,not really." and some times i think i was all cool and shit and its like"no,not really."i bet that a therapist would like to tear into my head after reading this. but only if i payed for it.did a Little gardening to day,there shure has Bean a lot of posts about that on this blog,and its not Even about gardening. wanted to smoke the other night,it was warm,with a cool breeze,cloudless night.the kind of night that i used to love to fire up a black and mild cigar,and just space out.enjoying the sweet smoke as i let my mind wonder out amongst the stars.not the same now.kinda the same thing happened with drawing when i quit hard drugs still haven't found a way to enjoy drawing.there hasn't been a lot of posts about smoking and that is what started this. well I'm thirsty and need to think about dinner,hamburger helper to night.YUM!

So how do you avoid....

people that you don't really want to have contact with when a mutual Friend keeps throwing them at you?i mean really, what the fuck! i have told them that i don't really want to know these people,that i don't have any thing in common with them,and if i wanted to know them i would find them my self.i know that I'm kind of a face book ass hole but I'm trying to improve,there are rules of engagement that nobody teaches you.fortunately there is no real consequences outside of irritation,at least so far.i suppose that it could go really wrong but if you behave you should see any shit coming. the virtual world can be such a pain in the ass.if it weren't so god damn interesting and useful i would give it up. but it is .

bad writing

read an article about that.apparently they give an award for that.kinda made me wonder,do they Evan serf the blogospheare?i mean this guy was a bad writer but his stuff was mostly run on sentences.witch Menes he was actually trying.that is easy.any one can write bad if they try.its the ones that think they are doing OK but aren't,they are the ones that need recognition,and no I'm not just talking about my self.there plenty of people out there who cant write but do.have you watched T.V lately? Lot's of bad writing there.these people get paid to produce the swill that they do.now that's an award! me on the other hand ,.. I'm just rambling on in the dark,regurgitating my mind on the screen,(BLAT!)have some thoughts!if i could save the world i might,but id rather be hear being banal. later.

after twenty years...

you know I've been thinking about finding old Friends on face book.and it has been kinda disappointing. i don't know what i was expecting,but it wasn't what i got. i mean people i was close to have bean distant,and some less than strangers.i have been puzzled at least for a while.and than i started thinking. high school was only fore years long and i knew most of these people for maybe five years total.and at that i was in contact with them for an hour hear and there,and maybe a few Horus after school,and some times a good part of the weekend.not as much time as i originally thought.although i must admit the teenage years were a very pivotal time in my, and every ones life.it was a time when we were trying on the personality's' that we were going to ware in our adult life.finding what worked and what didn't.it made us venerable and we showed that to each other out of necessity,as we learned to mask our inner self's.but it didn't last and we moved on to have those adult lives that we practiced on each other for those short years.when i stop to put it all in perspective,i have been with my wife for ten years now,almost three times longer than high school. not to mention that the time i have spent with her has been constant.its easy to get caught up in the past,and expect to pick up where you left off,but you cant we are not who we were.we have been wearing our adult persona's for far to long now.we can never be as venerable as we once were.all that has past never to rise again. the twenty year high school Reunion is just hopeful thinking,people coming together and basking in what was.ill just hold my wife a Little closer,and enjoy what is.

and so

sorry for that song(below)but i found it annoyingly good and my son dug it.also I'm learning how to do stuff like that.don't have any one to teach me so i just got to jump in and see what happens.so far so good ,of course you don't see the fail attempts.you know i have been thinking about stuff to write about.but I'm busy doing Landry right now ,and i have to finish cleaning the kitchen.

i HAVE TO TRY

time

I'm just killing time until my virus scanner is done. than I'm going to waist money at MC Donald's.meet cheese,bread,what the fuck .right?maybe ill think tomorrow.

i thought this was totaly funny!

sunday lazy sunday

nice day to day cool,some rain,some thunder.better than yesterday.yesterday was hot,almost to hot.if i wanted that i would move south.of course i only have to wait for fall.that's not to far off,lets see July is almost half over,than there is August and September,and half way through September the weather changes.soo...two months sort of?now they are saying that we are going to have an ELnino winter,that's OK it just makes fall last longer really.bad for skiers and,makes the next summer kinda dry but a Long cool fall with a warm winter that drags into spring can be nice.power bills will be lower this winter,i can use that.and don't forget the Hanukkah storm,that happened during a ELnino winter.to day would be a good day to bake,muffins,chicken,or maybe an lasagna.mmmmmmmmyeh . can you tell its a lazy Sunday?

TO DAY I AM LAYZY!

at least as much as i can be,still have to make a juice bottle for the kid.but that's it.no gardening,no dishes,no laundry,just T.V,and Internet.OK i might have to cook but that's it.I'm working on thoughts to share but i have to do it when I'm thinking about it,or else i wont remember what I'm thinking about, to bad i cant blame pot any more. wheal kid calls. gotta go.

I HAVE BECOME THE PULLER OF WEEDS!

it is my calling for today.do it before it gets hot. although I'm probably too late for my tastes,not that i intend to taste the weeds. although i should get it done before my wife goes back to bed. i have heard the proclamation"I Have a Headache!" that means soon i wont see her fore moist of the day.on that note id better get busy,ill post later when i get done.

to day is a day of rest.

well as much as it gets for me. haven't taken a nap yet but it is on my list of things to do.funny having a list to relax,well its not really a written list just one i keep running in my head.no gardening,no laundry,no dishes,to bad i cant get some one(who knows how)to cook for me.but i like good food so....Got my grocery shopping done,and I'm not totally broke,close but not totally.no money left over for any extras.good thing i have quit smoking. if i hadn't we would be in trouble.you know the other day i had some really strong cravings for a smoke.i know it was just psychological because i cant have any nicotine left in me by now,right? nicotine isn't fat soluble is it?if it is losing weight could be difficult.ill have to look it up. later.

GOOD NEWS!

at least for the butterfly bush.i think it might survive.some parts are still looking pretty ruff but most of it looks like its going to recover from being trans planted to a larger pot.i know,i know,but butterfly bushes don't do well in pots. well this one is pretty intrepid.it started in a pot two years ago,and did pretty well.so well in fact that i figured that it needed a much larger pot,so i gave it one.i think it will grow,and maybe even put out some flowers.but after i cut it back for the fall,next spring it will really take off.at least i hope so my wife likes that bush and i like to make her happy.well i got to figure out how to do my months grocery shopping on a much tighter budget this month.that trip to NW trek was really fun,but i don't think we really needed to buy souvenirs.oh well we did and i do like my new coffee cup.i wish it wasn't so expensive to go out and have a good time.hell Even going to a public park as getting to be pricey. more on that latter.

NW TREK

AND RECOVERD!

i know that drinking sweet drinks can give you a pretty good hang over,but i cant resist. also the fact that i don't drink alcohol that often doesn't help,but it was a Holiday and i was bar-b-queuing.i just cant help drinking when i -Que.it just seems right. well i got things to do to day i will fill you in later.

4th of july

so i did some gardening yester day,and i think i may have killed my butterfly bush.now i have been told that they don't grow well in pots but this one has been growing in a five gallon bucket for two years now,but it didn't have enough dirt so my wife bought a larger pot to transfer it in to.it went easy enough but i think i damaged some of the roots.any way the branches are drooping like it is hearting,although it is looking a Little better this morning.we will see as it goes along,i think i am going to bar-b-Que today.i haven't done that for a long while now,didn't do it at all last summer.last summer was so cool and damp,the anti-summer that i have been telling people about for years.every so often the Pacific northwest we don't get a real summer.i mean we will get a few hot days,but most days its just in the sixties with clouds.that was last year though,this year is hot and dry,good bar-b-Que weather.i might do a lot of it this year,of course that means i get to drink a lot of beer to. cant complain about that.although (and i hate to admit it)i really like mikes when i -Que to.the berry,Apple,are better than the lemonade,but the lemonade is pretty good to.well i gotta make a list of what to get at the store,meat,...i know i need meat.

HOW CAN I LOSE!?!?

and no Friends its not just extended warranties.i was watching FOX NEWS,this morning and they were going on about cons that are being pulled on "unsuspecting"people(read that willing victims).rule of thumb you cant get nothing for free,thousands of dollars a month does not come from only a few easy hours a week,or with no degree or experience.and finely you cant get coned if you are not greedy,now don't think that leaves you out,we all are greedy to one extent or another,we all want some thing,and for no or Little effort is some thing we find hard to resist.predators have bean relying on this basic trait for millions of years. i remember my sister came over once with this "job opportunity"and "oh it was such a good deal!"she was paying for "schooling" on financial counseling,and she was going to make thousands of dollars a month for less than twenty hours a week.apparently she was to cold call strangers and ask them to give her all there personal financial information,and with this she was going to "fix there money problems"uhhhh......yeah.so i pointed out to her that the very fact that she thought this was a good idea meant that she had no business being around money,any money,especially her money.and after i pointed out that in these days when people are trying to protect themselves from identity theft,they are not likely to turn over their personal info to a complete stranger,well i guess that is when i became worse than Hitler. i guess i was supposed to say"what a grate opportunity!you are going to do so well! i believe in you!"and all that Oprah shit.you see people like to believe in getting some thing for nothing,and when you point out that they are being coned they get pissed and fight for there victim hood,and when they finely realise that they have been ripped off we are supposed to feel bad for them.if people are unsuspecting victims they aren't paying attention. remember you cant get coned if you aren't greedy.

ITIS ANOTHER DAY.

so hear i am,on a Wednesday,siting at my computer,thinking about gardening,again.the never ending trials and tribulations of a home owner. i think i will buy some marigolds,and pansies for the flower beds on the side of the house.yeah that would be nice.ill take some pictures and let you know how it turns out.oh by the way the cultivator that my mother in law bought me works really good,its a black&Decker.i highly recommend it,it cuts the work in half and that is the hall mark of a good tool.well i gotta go and take my pills and take care of the boy.

SO THAT"S WHAT I THOUGHT!

i was going to write about sending my son to summer school,but i have been distracted.by what you ask? Tylenol. W.T.F?you say? well i thought that the risk of liver damage was common knowledge,i mean i have had arguments a bout it with a few people but for the most part i thought that most people knew about it.i remember arguing with my father in law telling him that Tylenol could cause liver damage especially if you drink alcohol(witch he does,a lot.)and he is all "no it doesn't,my Doctor says it is just fine,its ibuprofen that will damage your liver."and I'm like "no ibuprofen will kill your stomach,its Tylenol that will kill your liver."so now it is allover the news about Tylenol now,like its really news. it has only been written on the back of the bottle for only 30 years,so its no surprise that most people have missed it?right?the sad fact is all the people that i have argued with all these years will now tell me the same thing that i have been telling them all these years like they are informing me,and I'm the stupid one.if i try to point it out than I'm an ass hole.i don't mind being an ass hole,i fact some times i put a lot of effort into it,but i hate it when some one thinks that when they don't have any right,because they are an Evan bigger ass hole and they wont cop to it.there is nothing wrong with being an ass hole as long as you know it and are willing to suffer the consequences.but those that are assholes and don't know it and go along treating others as if they are fine and every one else is the ass hole,well they just piss me of. so all of that from Tylenol........i think i need some now.

gormagon.

if that got you're attention what the fuck is up with you?so no yard work to do today. i think i have gotten caught up for now,witch is weird,that almost never happens..it gives me time to think of stuff i have bean thinking about for a long time and haven't gotten around to it.there are so many Parks that i have been wanting to visit,like northwest trek.i haven't been there since i was a boy,really cool park,if you haven't been ,GO! its a great trip.id like to go back to point defiance,always a fun trip. wapato park is a nice afternoon spent,beats the usual mall sojourn.that can get a Little old after a while. although the coffee is pretty good there,cant say the same for the other parks.of course with the way Starbucks has expanded maybe the bares' have been put to work.that would be funny wouldn't it?

Lawn

i have mowed therefore i am. not as much wisdom as i had hoped.oh well,at least my lawn looks good. the plants in the pots are asking for a drink of watter,ill give it to them after dinner. if they want it sooner they will have to evolve. I'm watching the discovery Chanel can you tell? if only the general public was smart enough to follow science instead of the Ritual that mars otherwise nice Sundays.you know if you could see this blog before the spell chick you would call me a real ass hole. well maybe Evan if.....you know? whatever.

I HAD A DREAM!

it was about a plant growing in my flowerbed,an invasive plant,choking,strangling,starving. when i woke up i started thinking about how "life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life,......"i don't always think about plants that way,but some times it creeps up on me. we like to think of plants as harmless,just growing.but they are not.plants move at a pace that's out side our human perception,however at there pace plants are very aggressive,worse than piranha,lions,or any other predator you can think of,and its not just the physical.they use chemical,not only as weapons but to communicate with others. yeah they make Battle plans.i could site scientific papers but that would be Evan more boring than usual. maybe I'm spending too much time in my garden,not that it looks like it.but it gives me time for introspection,something i sorely need.without the time spent looking in side i can lose track of the life that goes on around me all the time.i know it sounds counter intuitive but if you don't look in you can't see out.life is weird like that.on that note I'm going to mow the lawn.am i getting garden centric? hmmm......something to think about while i garden.

W.T.F!!!

just what kind of issues do i really have? a short temper?yeah that's for shure. its to bad i cant afford to smoke,i think it really helped. not that i am craving tobacco,just that Ive Finley noticed the slight change in my attitude,it cant be nicotine withdrawal ether,I've been off the patches for weeks now. i think i just need some thing to alter my reality a Little bit,something more than coffee,to bad all the stuff that really works good is ether hard to get,expensive,or really bad for you.you know i can remember way back when i used to do lots of drugs,booze and smoked like a fiend,i was sick a lot of the time but i was happy,a real easy going guy.didn't have much ,but it didn't matter either,i was to waisted to care. now that i have cleaned up.joined the real world if you will.i have things,home ,car,wife,E.T.C. but i am all stressed up with no one to choke.a real short tempered ass hole.I'm not shure witch me i like,or maybe i need to evolve in to a new me ? i don't know how to do that.Any way i seem to be getting obsessed with lawn care.happens every summer,maybe i will feel different in the fall we will see.

2nd "o" the day

so i was going to a Doctor appointment when my cell chirped to let me know that some one had sent me a text message.the problem? i don't pay for text message services so my phone will let me know when some one sends me a text but i cant read it or see any pictures sent.now every one i know has been told that i cant except text messages,that would mean that they wouldn't send me any text messages right?NO! my sister keeps sending me text messages! my sister is RETARDED! now this is after some hours to cool down but "FUCK!!!" how stupid can she be!?!? if you could only have heard me on the drive to my doctors office.i mean i have told her like 3 or 4 times not to send me text messages,maybe she is doing it to piss me off. well with the messages i leave on her voice mail it cant be worth it. you one of these days the only person who will want to talk with me will be my wife,id better be extra nice to her,if she leaves me all i will have left is you and you SUCK!

MICHAL JACKSON?!?!?!

Are you fucking kidding me? don't we have more important things to talk about?of course if you are reading my blog,maybe not. but still.he was a celebrity,why i don't know.was he talented?yes but not any more than others that have been ignored by history.i think it was the freak show that captivated the public.you know the one that we created.that's right! we create these freak shows with our cult of celebrity.we make them,we despise them,we elevate them,we destroy them,and than we morn them with exorbitance,all the while rooting through the remains like gibbering ghouls.i for one am glad that the public has a short attention span these days. in a week we will be on to something Else.to bad it will be just as vapid.

thinking of rain

its supposed to rain to day,witch is good. I'm taking a day to recover from all the yard work i did yesterday. i am sore ,not so much that i cant move but sore nonetheless.you know shrubbery is much more than you think,especially the juniper tam. the branches interweave and the thicker ones are hidden,ware you cant see them,at least until you try to cut them with the clippers that are not right for the job,than you have to brake out the hand clippers,and squeeze.with RA that is a recipe for pain.and you know after all that work when i was cooling down i actually had a craving for a smoke,it passed but for a while it was pretty strong.i don't have many cravings nowadays,but every so often.....well i need a drink and the coffee is gone,time to search.latter.

I've lost track.

of all the things I've lost i miss my mind the most,...remember that one? oh i have sooo much to say but i don't do it when I'm thinking about it,and it gets lost in the maelstrom that is my mind. lets try to sort it out shall we? quitting smoking,what is it 10 or 12 weeks now? i cant remember. i mean i could look back but you would think i would remember some thing that important. i had this some what complicated thought about the writings of Ayn rand,the modern rich,and how i feel about them. lost now,in the eye of my mental tornado. that's probably OK ,you should never put any thing down that you are not willing to have come back to bite you on the ass.am i really going to try to lose some weight? well....... some time. had a good fathers day,i just wish i would remember to check the leans setting,all my pix are near sighted. see for your self.

fathers day.

this won't be much just a note really,although it more than i have been writing lately.i have been thinking about the writings of Ayn rand lately and i think i have something to say about it,not today,but soon. read the post under this one,and share it with all the women you know.they all need this info.

Urinate Standing up As a Female - wikiHow

Urinate Standing up As a Female - wikiHow

*SIGH*

not feeling well,again. wonder if it's not a G.I bug?

TUESDAY!!!!

I used to have a Friend who said that Tuesday was the weirdest day of the week. Monday,nobody likes it its the start of the week,Wednesday ,hump day Thursday,almost Friday,Friday...nuff said,Saturday ,WEEKEND! Sunday ,dreading Monday,or a day of worship if you are so inclined,but what about Tuesday? It's just kinda hanging there,all alone,not just unwanted but almost UN noticed.Tuesday is the day when any thing can happen. if the devil shows up and wants a cookie it will be on tuesday,U.F.O's land,Tuesday.you name it any thing can happen on Tuesday. i think I'm going to be boring and do lawn care. i know,I know, bob you are so fucking boring, well ......maybe i will do it naked. .......on second thought,no. the time for me to be exciting is past,at least that kind of exciting. middle age ..some thing to think about.i never did when i was younger but I'm kinda forced to nowadays. guess ill have to get back to you on that.

SUNDAY POST G.I.BUG

recovering from a nasty g.i.bug put me down sat morning,think I'm getting better now wrung out , tired ,need to nap,but getting better.will probably drug the kid,and try to lay down or something.WOOLF !

FRIDAY

you know its a shame that i don't post when I'm half asleep,I'm waxing philosophical some mornings.this morning was one of them. all gone now,of course.now it might be useful,but then it might not make sense.correlating Buddha,quantum mechanics,and observations on modern society is a hell of a way to wake up.its not Evan me,...well not the me that runs the waking body at any rate.some times i wonder just who is running the show when I'm not awake.at least i stay in bed,if i didn't my wife would say some thing.its almost like ....dare i say it?......"GOD"or at least the universe is time sharing the computing space when its not in use. perhaps that's all sleep really is."WHAT IS THE MATRIX?"....HEHEHE! i couldn't help my self.oh by the way .some one is actually reading this! I'm not really just rambling on in the dark like i thought. its kinda weird to know that you are not alone. tell E.T. when you get the chance.

after noon

well went out to wal mart,picked up a fathers day gift for my father in law,and for my self. hey my wife told me if i saw Any thing to speak up,so i did. now my METALLICA collection is complete.could not be happier!now I'm getting ready to fry up some chicken.....mmmmmmmmmmNOM,NOM,NOM! at least that's how i feel about it. tomorrow i should garden. has ta!

!

did lawn work yest er day ,sore to day.and I'm not Even done. nothing more to say. profound that.

the DAY AFTER........

well went to the school to pick up Matty,and the teachers were sooo stupid i couldn't believe it. they were all "oh we didn't make an appointment."and"we just wanted to find out about Matthews' diet."...*SIGH* I tell them at least three or fore times a year how and what to feed Matty,and that never changes.it is all ways the same,ground to oat meal consincistancey,no thin liquids,try to keep it bland.of course they don't give him any liquids at all,"They don't know how to do it."I've offered to show them,and provide all the necessary supplies,but "NOOOO!"that would require them to have to think.to acknowledge that some one know es some thing that they don't.so my son has to go through a whole day without drinking any thing.stupid,stupid teachers.the dietion wasn't much better.she kept talking saying the same thing over and over,and not listening to me.I told her "O.K. I get it."and she just kept on ,over and,over,like I'm retarded and i need repetition to understand a simple message. I don't know,I must come off like a slobbering beast or some thing,i mean they all act like I'm about to attack or some thing,i may want to but i almost never do. I don't think i have assaulted any one in a decade,at least. i may not oppose assault ,but i think it should be justified,and these teachers don't qualify.

MATTY

Ready for school! the following post(below)is all about him.thought you should know who i am talking about.

monday.

not so dark. still kinda mad at the school,you see the school nurse used the permission slip we filled out so they could talk to my son's Doctor about his seizures,and made an appointment with a nutritionist without our permission.the school nurse says that she was just getting information about Matty's diet that they give him at school,well if that was it that would be cool,but i got a call from the nutritionist wondering when we were going to show up.....of course i was confused,"I didn't know Matty needed to see a dietitian."i said."oh well the school nurse,Dr AL-ma teen and i were talking and we thought he should come in." REALLY!?!we saw her six months ago as a routine appointment with his formula,and every thing was o.k. we have bean doing every thing like we were supposed to.when Matty had a prolonged bout with diarrhea i asked the teachers to observe the B.R.A.T. diet witch is bananas,rice,applesauce,and toast.as recommended by his primary care Doctor "D.R.Tomas",Al-Ma teen is his neurologist,and has Little to do with Matty's diet .well we are going to keep the appointment,just in case the school has some funny ideas,they can really try my paticnce.

dark day

And i say that not just because of the clouds,but also my mood,i don't know some times i get into a mood that would make Hitler shiver. it will pass without any thing going wrong,...unless some one puts me in charge of a nation some time this afternoon. ANY ONE? NO? well the world is safe,at least for now.yard work,dishes,garbage,grocery,gurrrrrr! id like to pore some gas and light a match and burn it all. to bad i don't like the side affects of the anti depressant(it was not just to quit smoking) because that could help,and i don't know of any med that don't have some serious side effects. *SIGH* drink some more coffee,take a deep breath and go on.that is the way life goes. i think most people feel this way at least some time,not that they will admit it.maybe a nice cake or some thing? no wonder I'm fat, pot i need pot.that is what always made me feel better in the past when i got this way. to bad i don't know where to find it these days. maybe it will find me.don't laugh it happens,I've seen it . well i gotta go. latter.

MORNING!

much better after some sleep. i was thinking about doing some yard work,but its cool and cloudy.not that i mind,its just that i think it might rain and that i don't do.maybe if it suns up a Little.i got a new hedge trimmer and I'm wondering how it works.I've never used one like it and i think it might be fun. and Even if its not, the hedges really need to be trimmed,they are about two years behind on the clipping schedule.that being said have some pictures.

fri/sat

well I'm getting a god crop of roses this year.its late and i thought i would post before bed. ill get back to this in the morning.

HOUSE CLEANING!

yes! i don't think id call t spring cleaning but it is spring(don't tell the weather),and i am cleaning. well as much as i do. vacuumed Matty's room and "FABREASED it"that kid can put a powerful stink on any thing. now i have to think about the yard, hedge clipping and such,and i need to buy some flowers to brighten up the place.if it looks good i will post pictures. hmmm...i think I'm starting to put off a powerful stink of my own.latter.

?!

why is it that i can think of tons of stuff to write about until i get to the page and than nothing?weather is hot,kid is at school and having seizures,I'm hungry,and quiting smoking is going good. i know i know,"kid is at school having seizures?" yeah. i am concerned about this but he was troughing on his meds and they reported that they were short ones,so i told them to let him take a nap . most likely the best thing to do,but what if its not?you can kill yourself with these questions,second guessing yourself is a trap. i hope that i made the right decision but if i didn't well.....adapt and survive.so,ill just eat and take my pills,and hope all is well. 

MONDAY

WOW! feeling better than yesterday,it was weird,i felt disconnected all day yesterday,maybe it was anxiety ,i don't know.i was just weird. you ever have one of those days when the reality you have isn't the one you want,not that its that much different but that it just isn't yore's? maybe i took too much acid back in the 80's,it was kinda like that.it's just that flash backs don't usually last all day. of course i could be going crazy,but the fact that i can postulate that means that, that is unlikely.maybe its the existential blues.

sunday

well i spent yesterday celebrating my wife's B,day at the park with my mother and sister.oh and son,can't forget him. any way it was a good day,and I'm so glad that i have such a good wife. got a Little sun burned though. my nicotine patch left a Small white square on my arm,HA HA! that's funny. well its Sunday and i think i will take the day off,at least as much as i can.

SATURDAY!......?

well to day we celebrate Chris's b,day.Evan though its not for a few days,its just that my sisters b,day was a couple of days ago and we are trying to catch them all together. well at least we have nice weather that's not always the case. some years you need a jacket just to go out the front door. yesterday i mentioned about the C.I.A. watching peoples computers. well after that i Had a few hours of fending off VIRUS attacks. weird hunh? was it THEM? or just some random jerk? i tried to tell Goggle about it but they don't really want to hear from their users.  i need more coffee go to go .

FNORD!

I wonder if I'm going to do any thing useful to day?it's so easy to just think about doing stuff and not get much farther. to bad you can't buy motivation. i guess just one thing at a time,one struggle,one "jihad"if you will.hm mm wonder if the C.I A. well twig to this blog now ,you know they have computers data mining ,looking for key words,keeping an eye on the unwashed masses. i know that sounds paranoid,but that's what the war on terror is all about.to coin a phrase "silent weapons for quiet wars." now do you see why its hard to quit smoking? well I'm doing good despite all that,and i think that i will make it this time. that's all for now latter. 

WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE!

sorry that was a Little bombastic. you know north Kora ,the global warming hoax and what not.i mean if a U.F.O. flew out of my ass,i wouldn't be surprised.i know i vie done way to much acid in my day but the world is getting a Little weird Evan by my standards.fortunately most people ignore me,so i cant enlighten them.they don't need that. hell i don't need it, all it leads to is U.F.O.s flying out of your ass. so that being said I'm going to get my last box of nicotine patches,wish me luck.

INTERESTING DAY

i think i did almost every thing i can for a day,all that's left is evening stuff.i think that coke likes me drinking it, at least that's what the web site says. all the drink says is "fizz" any way a couple of days ago i said id post some garden pictures,well see below.the lilac needs to be rotated but i guess you can see that.you know I'm watching a movie from 86,and the kid who is unnamed(at least on the screen guide)looks like an actor who is kinda famous,and i can't place his name.i hate that,it will come to me about 3A.M.all wake me up and shit. ah fuck it! 

garden shots.

well i promised some garden shots.

wendsday

at least that's what i think.sunny day,might do things out side. got to go and find my last two wees of nicotine patches,maybe tomorrow. also have to think of something to make for dinner,but what? hm mm....id like to make a killer sand witch.also i cant seem to figure out how to Linc a concert request site to other walls on face book,i think I'm making myself look like a retard to the general public,and to be a retard to the masses is bad. because they are all retarded already. .oh well fuck them all!

OK,NO PIC'S

well i got my lawn work done,but no pictures.i thought about it after i was almost two thirds done.it would have been pretty boring any way.of course that would have been a step up for this blog. I'm almost six weeks into my quit smoking trip.doing good.to bad you can't picture success.well maybe you can but i need to think about it for a while. chill. 

sunday morning

OK I'm drinking coffee and contemplating yard work. I'm going to try to give before and after pictures,other than that i feel good ready to sweat.more coffee first.

FIVE WEEKS?!?!

has it really been five weeks already? doesn't seem that long, I'm not having any cravings and I'm not having any problems finding things to do with my hands. got to go and buy new shoes for my son to day,and maybe mow the lawn if i can. if not than, tomorrow. nice weather to do any thing. i think ill try to take some pictures. that might be fun. well time to take some pills and than change a diaper......BLAH!  

friday! BITCHES!

feeling GOOD! did some shopping for my wife ,got her some silky smoothies. or lingerie if you will. nice weather,good tunes, and technically no ware to go,aside from the shit that seems to pop up from time to time.I'm not feeling any urge to smoke.in fact this is the first time i thought about it all day. i think that's a major improvement.don't you? ha ha ha! you're not real! this is just an illusion made by my unconscious mind! if not sorry. that's it for now. 

MP3=AWESOME!

Loving the music bitches! the only problem is the special head phones i bought don't work.the ear buds that came with the player work just fine,so I'm good there ,but my ears are small and its kinda uncomfortable.so i like over the ear phones better.unfortunately wall mart gets all its stuff from china.(should call it china-mart)any way i got to go and return for headphones that work,or maybe ill just get store credit and buy some new music.that would be nice.I promised my wife that i wouldn't download any more mp3's this month and i have so much music that i want. that being said I'm doing good on quiting smoking,only had two real cravings yesterday.never realised how often i lit up a smoke after i left a store.funny how unconscious smoking is ,and you don't realise it till you don't do it for a while. hm mm some thing to think about.

mp3 to day

well i finely got an mp3 now i have to come up with new excuses not to get some exercise ,hard to believe that some thing so small can hold all my CD collection and still have room for a lot more.I'm going to call this a reward for quiting smoking,but its really from president OBAMA.don't know why but i figured that he needed his name to be all caps.i think i need a nap.

gurrrrrrrrrrrrr!

try as i might the world still pisses me off.i think i managed to survive a cyber attack I.E. Trojan and spy ware,but how can you truly tell?if my scanners don't know about the funk how can they stop it?oh well i did all i can i guess ill just have to give it a few days for my scanners to be up dated,they are pretty up on these things.i trust them as much as you can trust any one you can't kill. nice test of my coping skills though,i didn't want to smoke....just strangle some one ,any one.feeling a Little better now.didn't get any gardening done yest er day i will have to do it today,rain is coming to day  or die......ma by kill would be better.

SUNDAY SHIZNIT!

well its Sunday,and i am listening to windows media player,and it seems to have a hard on for KORN to day.put it on shuffle and its like the greatest radio on earth.no commercials and it only plays my favorite tunes.i got to garden to day . don't want to but i have to. pulled weeds yesterday and my whole body Hertz,but i let the flower beds get away from me and now they are over grown .i barely made a dent in it yesterday. have to admit i do miss smoking after doing yard work,that was a nice cool down. Guss I'll just have to make do with iced tea. (sigh) well have to get after it.

my sister is retarded

apparently my sister said that she only could see old posts and pic's hear. so i had some Friends check,all good .with is what i tried to tell her ,but no she is all"duh dats sa way i fund it...duh" O.K,I'm paraphrasing,but still.i just don't understand her i mean its probably a good thing she works for the government because i don't think any one else would put up with that level of incompetence. well enough with that see will probably read this and be pissed. stepped down to the next level of nicotine patch . it looks different,but it seems to work just fine. doing good.

DAY 28

tomorrow i move to step two on the patch.28 days without smoking. i feel good about it.still coughing up some weird goo though . unfiltered hand rolled will do that to you though.some times i still miss it ,i just take a deep breath (with out coughing) and chill and it passes. downloaded some good music from amazon yesterday,"TESTAMENT-PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH"and the single"HOLY DIVER-THE REMAKE BY KILL SWITCH ENGAGE"good stuff once i get a MP3 player ill be set for stage 2. exercise......if i could lose at least 50 lbs it would be good. i think that it is do able. 

i'm back!

had to search to find nicotine patches but not far. i found them at target,for ten dollars less than Safeway.  so i feel better about that.when i got home i went on line and looked up an album that i haven't listened to since i was 25  it is still killer."testament,practice what you preach"KILLER! I'm loving it!

27 days!

i got to go and get more nicotine patches!step two!half way there! still coughing out black&tan though. Guss it is my lungs clearing all the crap i put in them all these years.GOOD FOR ME!

eh?

OK i removed the one piece of porn i up loaded,not that any one complained but because i reread the policy statement and thought i would be a good guy.actually i don't think any one is reading this any way. fuck it all .all most 28 days with no smoking and i think I'm going good. need to eat some pizza though. yum!

tuesday

well i hope this works better than yesterday. life is good,mostly .you know I'm at a loss for words.

check out pic's below

Any way three weeks no smoking think I'm doing good.spending a full day with three women is enough to try the Patience of any man. but i made it through just fine .i hope the bugs i just encountered on blogger don't come back that was annoying.

blogger kinda broke

well this isn't helping me to quit smoking. mothers day was good see for you re self.