I"M FAT!

I know its like "no really?" but its official,went to the Doctor and i was weighed (of course)and the verdict was "300"LBS . no shit! i haven't weighed that much since high school. i know you are supposed to gain weight after you quit smoking but "SHIT!" so i was going to give UN tell my son went back to school to start to lose some weight,well he starts back tomorrow.i guess it cant be any sooner.well 5 months off smokes ,i think i got that liked now i declare a war on fat. what if i fail? i know nothing ventured nothing gained but...i never really tried to lose weight before.it always seemed to come and go,i have bounced between 175 and 300 LBS all my adult life.but now it seems different,my life is much more stable now.when my life was chaos my fat level would bounce like a yo-yo,but i could never keep a relationship.now I'm stable ,have a wife,and a steady growing waist line.well into the fray! there is no other choice,i don't think my weight is going to bounce on its own any more.i don't now how I'm going to do it but i have to.if i don't i just know i will die soon i can feel it. well maybe not real soon ,but well, maybe lose control and never recover ,that will be just as fatal,and be very embarrassing.

art

finally got around to researching "Dadaism" found some good art

70's toon wave

so i was watching some old cartoons this morning,not all my favorite's mind you but many of them.well it got me thinking "did my dad ever watch the old stuff from when he was a kid and feel this way?"well i started to do the math in my head to figure what was on,and you know something?he was born in 34 and didn't have access to a t.v until he was almost 20(came from a poor family you see) "wow" so he didn't get to experience the waves of nostalgia?well not over T.V . as i thought more about it i remembered some weekend after noon we ran across a station showing all the old matinee movies from the 30's and 40's and listing to my dad tell me story's of how he would steal a couple of nickels to go see the show and have a coke. now i realise that we all get lost in our lives,this small segment of reality that we inhabit.it is precious to us. i mean i knew that in an abstract way ,but to realise it as a fundamental part of me is......almost numbing.is this a common realisation? do many people think this?is it important to know your place in the time/space continuum?and like it? do we put a false glow on the past to give us hope for the future? i cant answer any of these questions yet, but when i can i will.

4 days gone by

wife has been sick,had to go to bellview to get wheel chair parts,and of course I've been forced to be creative because we are out of money for now.typical end of the month shit.i have been finding a lot of stuff about gay marriage on line recently and posted it on my face book page.not that I'm gay its just that i can't stand bigots,and will stand against them whenever i can.i would try to get stupid outlawed but I'm afraid it would blow up in my face.I've got things ruminating in my brain ,but I'm not ready to rant about it yet.

bord

did some gardening to day,I'm going through some feelings of wanting to smoke.guess I'm just board,and kinda missing the way that smoking used to fill up the down time.it will pass but in the mean time ,.....damn.you know i think that tobacco is the hardest drug to quit.i mean its been like five months now. i cant have any nicotine in my system any more,its all in my head.well at least i have this.still board and i don't have any thing to say so this will be a short post.

saved from the garden

so i was going to garden but it was raining to day.not a lot but just enough to let me call it off. although i need to do the gardening some time because I'm getting behind.but ill take the rain.i love the rain,i love the sound,the smell,and some times the feel.at least when it is light,almost a drizzle,or a heavy fog.the light wet mist softly caressing my skin........*SIGH*it's just wonderful.i bet if i was born some where else i would feel different but I'm from hear and i love it.some times i can close my eyes and its like I'm transported back to my child hood,its funny how many memories are formed around rain. you'd think that is all there was around hear.no.it doesn't rain that much hear it just seems that way.where it will rain two inches some ware else in a few minutes,hear it will drag out for two or three days.same amount of rain it just takes longer.

grandma gum VS dogma of stuff

come to think of it,that was really misleading. yes grand ma gum paid a visit,but there was no Battle,and certainly not against dogma. these are just things that are running through my mind.grandma gum (not her real name)was a nice visit,...kinda. i love the woman but she is going deaf and so hollers all the time because she cant hear how loud she is.it makes for a long visit.also i am in a slow-mo debate with a damn fool christian on another web site.i wonder if they all have my picture and talk about me behind my back?because they have bin increasingly nice when talking to me on line,and they have bean absolutely avoiding me on the street.to bad that they don't get any smarter.they are still using the same dull arguments.you know the ones that haven't made any sense since we were fore,and capable of believing in fairy tales.ah it would be nice to be that naive.i wonder if i am scaring off any one who might want to talk to me about other stuff?that's something to ponder.

battel in seattle

watched that movie yesterday,and it got me thinking its almost ten years now. on October 31st of that year we were in Seattle looking for an engagement ring(i had just gotten engaged you see)and i remember talking with some guys handing out flyer's and trying to get people interested about the W.T.O nice guys but i wasn't paying that close of attention,pretty woman allover me and all.but now that i look back, that whole riot was predictable,you could almost sense that a perfect storm was brewing.at least if i wasn't distracted i would like to think i would have sensed it.but there it is.we found a nice ring,had some dinner and went home all wrapped up in our own romance.must have been really annoying to every one around us.love tends to piss off every one not involved,any way.life went on,and on November 29 things boiled over in Seattle,i was at work and worrying about my woman,hurried home as fast as i could only to find that all was well.then i turned on the news(she had no idea anything was happening)and watched it all.well some of it any way.chanting ,fire,breaking glass,beautiful blue eyes,velvety lips,pepper spray,flash bang grenades,night sticks,perfect breast,silky thigh.you get the idea,i was still distracted.love is a wonderful drug.and so ten years down the road,not much has changed with the W.T.O,the protests go on,my marriage is good. life is good in the small parts,but the world still suffers. i some times wonder how the protesters go on,all that effort for Little change.but we do what we do,evil must be opposed. funny how history melds with one's personal life.something to remember when reading the books.

extortion a la state

so i went down to the emissions place,passed,then i went to the place to buy tabs for the car.*sigh* when will it stop? i mean i payed for the car,i paid for the gas and maintenance,than i pay for tabs,and emissions,tax this tax that,FUCK! you cant just buy a car and be done with it. just once i would like it if you could own some thing and not keep paying for it for time immemorial. pay for it and done.that is the way it should be.works out of the box .battery's that recharge easy.no maintenance.just go and have fun.but no! buy,update,buy more,pay taxes,buy more,pay Even more taxes. think you are good ,pay more taxes,fart,pay more taxes. pay to own,until they decide to take it away.gurrr we are not free.we pay for every moment.cant even shit for free.i heard that they did a study on how much the average person breathes,you know lung volume and such.any way with that data they can figure out how to tax the air you breath.they just cant figure out how to slip it to us so that we wont com plane.as soon as they do we are fucked all over.beginning to end.start to finish.balls to bone.

narf

so i am calming down,at lest i don't want to scream. OK so yesterday i went on to a pagan site to enjoy some time at a place where i can get away from Christians trying to convert me. and guess what i found? Christians trying to convert me. that really pissed me of.i know i took it out on the people on face book,i guess they are getting used to it by now.but still its not fair to them, most of them are cool. but i digress,cant Christians just fuck off and leave people alone? we know where to find churches if we want them.so like fuck off OK?and just because you believe in fairy tales doesn't make your shit stop stinking. so fuck off.you are not better than me,you don't have secret information,you are not a moral authority,i don't think you are able to "save me"or any one else,and last but not least i will die for my own sins i earned them they are mine,and some undead Carpenter will not be allowed to cheapen my experience buy assuming to take what i have worked so hard to achieve. so FUCK OFF!

Emissions testing

car,not me. i hate this time of year.have to go through all the hoops to find a well hidden testing site,and pay the state Even more money so i can go buy state issued tabs so i can drive a vehicle and pay even more taxes.some times being an adult is such a pain in the ass.but if i try to go back to acting like a kid they say "you have an attitude problem" makes it hard to get ass too. what ever.i need to get high really bad. if any one has seen the pot fairy send him my way.

windows

and i don't mean the ones on your computer. I'm talking about the ones on my sons room.now you might think that the curtains that you put up only have to look good,and match your room decor,and for you ,you would be right. for my son that would be nice,but impractical.you see my son is disabled and his room is the one place in the world where we try to make it a place where he won't be told "no",and he cant hurt him self.so his curtain rod was replaced a few years ago with a two inch thick wooden rod.that helped with the fact that he would hang off his curtains,then he started to chew on them.not eat(witch is called pica)but chew,its one of his favorite activity's,we think it soothes him.any way we cant let him chew up his curtains so i rolled up the bottom of the curtains in a piece of wood and screwed it to the wall.worked good for a while,but like all things it wore out.the kid still hangs off them,and the cat uses them for a hammock(which is kinda funny).so we got a replacement and we are in the process of replacing the curtains.I'm half way through my part.now I'm waiting for my wife to finish hanging the top part,and then i will screw down the bottom and we are done ,at least for a couple of years.

BRAIN NOT SO DEAD

But pretty close.i haven't thought about much to write about but today i got a Little nudge.weird electronic stuff.check this at 6:30 am my alarm clock went off ,like it was supposed to,but it was all funky. the numbers were flashing like the power went out,but if that had happened it wouldn't have kept time,and when i tried to readjust it nothing happened.i couldn't get it to do any thing.I'm just glad it woke me up on time as i need to medicate my son on a time schedule.now if that was the only thing that happened it would be annoying but not weird,that happens when i try to turn on my computer."Internet is down" it says.checked all my connections ,good,check for spy ware and virus,all good. call the ISP,they say that they are fine "it must be me"so i ran every diagnostic i could think of,re set every thing,nothing works,re called ISP,"oh ,well we have a router down after all" turns out that it all happened at 6:30 am.weird hunh?so i am going to go to wall mart to get a new alarm clock,and see if i was the only one affected or if there is a run on alarm clocks.it shure would be weird if it happened to every one,wouldn't it?

cooler

so the heat has backed of for now,and i think we will make the turn for fall soon. not that we wont have any hot days just not that many.I'm reading a new book,"Dexter in the dark" good series of books.not surprised that they made a series out of it.but i like the books better.my son had a seizure this morning and i think he broke his nose,gave him some ibuprofen and he seems to be OK .well that's all i have to say for now I'm feeling tired a lot lately,don't know why.

snooze time

long day got to order parts for my sons wheel chair. tired going to bed,thought i would say good night at least.

Paranoid?

not really it seems. since we have learned that Goggle is reading everything that we are doing on line. well i guess that is nice that some one is reading this.of course it might not be a someone it might be a computer with an algorithm.baby sky net?and than there is the Amazon thing with them going into peoples kindles, and taking back stuff that they paid for.shure they paid them for what they took but these people wanted their stuff, that's why they paid for it in the first place.it makes me fear for my MP3 files. what if Amazon decides that they want my music more than i do .will they steal it in the middle of the night? what if all our life is becoming one big rent to not own? soon we will all be living off the corporate dole, and the corps are living of the government dole,who takes all we have and will ever have?are you really paranoid if they are really out to get you?they don't think so,but they wouldn't would they?